Battle Mate
Not everyone walks the same road when it comes to love. Some find their person early, others later, and some are still searching. But I believe we all have the opportunity. Some call it luck, or “right place, right time”—like landing a job or finding a deal on Marketplace. Others feel the weight of destiny, or the mystery of providence, even as dating becomes increasingly driven by algorithms. And honestly? I’ve seen that work too. No judgment here.
This is written both as encouragement for those still searching, and as a reminder for those who’ve already found someone:
There is a war. And having someone to battle alongside is not just helpful—it’s vital.
There’s something powerful about the design of a man and woman brought together with purpose. When united, they become a formidable force. Each battles alone, until suddenly—on the battlefield—they bump into each other. Regardless of the details or storyline, there’s a moment where they look into each other’s eyes and recognize: This is my friend. This is someone to battle with. (Yes, the double meaning is intentional.)
I’ve found that sparring early in a relationship actually makes you stronger. There’s a collision. Sparks fly. Disagreements arise. But those early “mini battles” become training grounds for what’s ahead.
Life throws you all kinds of scenarios—like a combat simulator. Jobs. Taxes. Intimacy. Sex. Bills. Changing friendships. And when you finally think you’ve leveled up, the boss fights begin: Babies. Children. Sickness. Extended family. Addiction. Regret. Shame.
The battle could be just you. But now there are two. And if there aren’t two yet—take heart. There can be. And the right one is out there for the fight.
To the Men
I write this for men.
For the man who hasn’t yet found a sparring partner—for life, for faith, for the fight.
For the man who has found her… but maybe you’ve lost interest. Maybe you’ve started second-guessing. Maybe sparring has turned into wounding. Or maybe, while everyone else seems to be having fun, you’re feeling bored and battle-weary.
And I write to the man who has found her, fought for her, with her, and won.
Wherever you are, know this: You’re still in the story. The pursuit and passion are just at different stages.
When I’ve Failed as a Battle Mate…
Some questions I’ve wrestled with in my own failures:
• What do I do on the battlefield when our lives—or the lives of our loved ones—are at risk?
• Do I turn inward to entertain selfish fantasies, or look outward with hope and vision for what our lives could be?
• Has my battle mate become so familiar that every move feels like an attack, not a partnership? Have we turned on each other?
• What if I’ve turned my shield toward her instead of toward the real enemy?
• What if I’ve let disillusionment trick me into fleeing, or holding my covenant with her hostage?
These are important questions to ask. I’ve seen many couples separate for all kinds of reasons. I don’t sit in judgment. But I do hold onto hope—for reconciliation, for restoration, for love to win.
How I Keep Fighting
The only way I can keep engaging in the battle—internally and externally, through sparring, friendly fire, and even hopeless moments—is by choosing to remember who she is.
Not just who she was in a single painful experience.
But who she is in her fullness.
We’re smarter than that, aren’t we?
Or are we?
For the Ones Who Have Found Her
Let me leave you with a rhythm:
Remember.
Revel.
Recall.
Rejoice.
• Remember who she was in her youth—and who you were as you grew together.
• Revel in that memory. Let it breathe.
• Recall the moments that moved you most—the touches, the tears, the victories. Those moments were real.
• Rejoice with her—however you know how. Do something about the memory. Celebrate her. Choose joy.
“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.”
—Proverbs 5:18
Get a picture in your mind of your beautiful friend and warrior beside you. Remember what you’ve already overcome—and what you’ve yet to conquer together.
See her for who she is, not who others say she is. Not even who you may have wrongly labeled her to be.
And whatever you do—don’t let that picture fade.
No matter what your circumstance…
Fight for it.
- By Gabe Voorhees